Participation

Last night I got into an elevator carrying one of my daughter's 4 trophies from the beauty pageant she was in. An old man and his wife entered after we did and he gave me a condescending look. Then, he looked at the other trophies being held by my sons and asked, "Was there a trophy give away?"

"My daughter competed in a beauty pageant, these are her trophies."

"Are those all participation trophies? I can't believe they give kids trophies just for participating these days."

"Uh, you don't get the big ones like these for just participating." I replied with a bit of pride and a little annoyance.

The elevator door opened and we went our separate ways. I don't know if he was trying to belittle us or my daughter but I was slightly perturbed by his supposition that my daughter merely participated. She didn't win, but she didn't just participate. My boys and I were carrying a first place trophy for one category, a fourth place trophy in another category, the overall third place trophy and the old man's derisive participation trophy.

Later, after I had forgotten about the old man and his questions, I talked with my daughter about what the weekend meant to her. I cried with pride and she cried with joy. That first place trophy was hard won, with many hours of practice over the last 13 years. Also, coming in third overall was a real accomplishment. There were 75 other young ladies gunning for that overall crown. My daughter was beaten by two older more experienced contestants. Third overall was fantastic. But I wasn't proud of her for those two great accomplishments.

Six months ago when she asked me if she could do the pageant this year I told her no. Financially we could not afford it. We had other family priorities that came before a beauty pageant. She countered with, "what if I pay for it myself." I found out last night that she expected me to say no. She was sure I would say no because she was aware of what the family priorities were. She had a plan and she had her arguments ready. The discussion that night was slightly heated but in the end she convinced me that she could do it. I gave her my blessing that night.

Then last night the picture of why she wanted to participate became more clear. She knew the experience would be one of growth. She had certain things that she wanted to improve. To make those improvements she put herself in a competitive environment that would force her to learn new skills. Skills that she will take with her for the rest of her life.

My daughter's story wasn't the only inspirational one on stage last night. There was one contestant who was obviously smart and confident but in previous years was very timid in front of the microphone. This year she was much improved. She even said that she had finally beaten stage fright. There was the severely handicapped contestant who has struggled through her whole life. But there she was, on stage, defying her handicap and looking beautiful. Each contestant on stage had their own story. It wasn't easy for them to submit themselves to judgement. They were all an inspiration.

The old man was even more of a jerk than he realized. I realize now, on this particular occasion, that participation trophy was the most valuable trophy of all.